“Narcissism” is not the first word that comes to my mind when the topic of Wikipediocracy’s Vigilant (Reddit WOVigilant) comes up. I don’t think of narcissists as infected with vicious hatred. Sociopath seems more fitting. However, one of the EVilgent’s traits is proposing for others what may much more clearly apply to him, and he posted this earlier today:
I don’t understand actual human behavior. It is a mystery why people do things.
How many of these traits does Abd exemplify?
video 14 Signs of Narcissism
The first link is to a comment of mine on WikipediaSucks.co, which expresses nothing like what he makes of it. Then the video is a list of signs (nothing other than text and music).
- Narcissists make a great first impression. They practice being charming, charismatic, engaging and sociable and they get really good at it. They want you to be interested in them, constantly paying attention to everything they say and do. They tend to be great in job interviews and on first dates. But they are quick to ignore or dismiss you if you don’t give them the flattery and adulation they believe they deserve.
- They like to show off their “trophies.” They try — often in obvious ways, but not always — to impress you with their life accomplishments, education, material possessions, income, or social status. They’re “serial name droppers.”
- They tend to think of themselves, and everything they do, in grand terms. Many (but not all) narcissists act “loud and proud.” They use superlatives a lot to describe what they’ve done, what they are doing, or what they’re going to do. Narcissists tell stories centering on themselves, often in heroic terms, and they tend to repeat the same story to a new audience every chance they get.
- Physical appearance matters — a lot. The way they look, and everything about it, is especially important. They obsess over details in their physique or figure, their clothes and the way they dress, how their hair looks, and so on.
- Flattery is the fuel that keeps you in a narcissist’s good graces. They “fish for compliments,” but when none are forthcoming, they ignore you or react in other negative ways.
- They hate criticism. Any hint of criticism draws a strong, often angry response. No one likes criticism, but narcissists are hyper-reactive, and take it very personally. They tend to see the world in terms of “me versus them.” They’ll get angry, shut out or ignore the person who criticises them, or even “throw a tantrum.”
- They blame someone else — anyone else — when something goes wrong. They are often quick to judge, condemn, and ridicule. If they forget to do something, they’ll say it’s your fault because you didn’t remind them. A favorite line you’re likely to hear from a narcissist is, “Now look what you made me do…”
- They dominate conversations and talk almost exclusively about themselves. Even if you change the subject, they’ll find a way to bring it back to themselves. They’ll only ask what you think if they’re hoping you’ll flatter or compliment them somehow. They always want you to agree with them. If you don’t, your comments will probably be disputed, corrected, dismissed, or ignored.
- Similarly, they often interrupt others who are talking. They sometimes ask a question, but then don’t let the other person complete a sentence before talking over them, or challenging them before they have a chance to finish a thought.
- They feel entitled to break rules or ignore social norms. They believe, as the saying goes, “Rules don’t apply to me.” They routinely (and sometimes dangerously) flout traffic laws, find ways to berate waitstaff in restaurants, borrow things but never return them, skip appointments without canceling ahead of time, etc. They expect preferential treatment in all things, expecting others to know heir needs instinctively.
- They demand loyalty, but don’t return it. Narcissists think little or nothing of cheating on a spouse or partner, but become enraged if someone does it to them. They expect everyone to make sacrifices for them, but often won’t express gratitude when others “put themselves out.”
- They manipulate people, often in negative or hurtful ways. Guilt is one of their favorite weapons. They like to act as if you’ve victimized them somehow. A typical comment would be, “I’ve given you so much, and you’ve given me nothing in return.”
- They lack empathy. They don’t realize — or don’t care — the trouble and heartache they’ve caused others. The feelings and emotions of other people don’t matter to them, and they have very little regard for pain or heartache others experience.
- They like to create chaos and leave a trail of wreckage behind them. They enjoy playing people against each other because keeping others off balance makes them feel powerful.They like to watch others fail, or suffer personal or professional humiliation — especially if they can have a hand in causing it.
Conclusion
While many people are guilty of narcissistic behaviors from time to time, true narcissists exhibit many or all of them constantly. Unfortunately, most narcissists don’t even know they’re narcissists, and therefore have little concern for how their behavior affects everyone around them.
This was pop psychology, ontologically naive, useless other than to support someone accusing someone else of narcissism — which is a real problem, often showing up as “male privilege” in relationships. The name will not heal the dysfunctional behavior, unless the clueless one — running through this is a theme that the “narcissist” is not aware of it, i.e, is clueless — recognizes the problem and takes on creating remedies, which isn’t easy with a lifetime of habit and even training. Narcissism can be fatal to relationships.
Now, how many of these traits do I “have.” Most of these are about personal and face-to-face relationships; as well, the traits mind-read the narcissist, not only does the person do such and such, but the motive is asserted. But applying this to myself, I can ask, “Is that what I want?” (For none of them is that what I want if it happens.)
And many of the factual claims are far, far from what I do or ever have done. Always respectful to waitstaff, I have never insulted them. I take no pleasure in the failure of others, not ever. (But I encourage responsibility — very different from blame and guilt.)
So what about the other way around? EVilgent held up this mirror, how does he look in it? For most these we have no information, because he avoids telling us about himself, except in . . . grandiose terms. “Holding shitheels’ feet to the fire for a decade.” I do see recent and strong evidence of revenge as a motive, for a what could have been taken as criticism. And which very much became critique.
But I don’t see the problem as narciscissm, rather as hatred, evil projected strongly onto others, often with little — or no — evidence. He takes obvious glee in condemnation and contempt for alleged (or real) sins, and treats what he calls “defense” of bad people as “enabling” very bad things, when nothing like that happened.
The page supra shows how this outpouring proceeded from a small “insult,” a conclusory description, that represented consensus where stated. So he is blaming me for how the community sees him.
(And his first response was deleted, so he’s stayed away from that subreddit since.) Criticising the Great EVilgent, unforgiveable!